Overcoming Shyness

Ya I am Little Miss Shy

Alright I admit it, I am shy!  How shy? Like REALLY REALLY shy! For 22 years, I have been an introvert. I always tell myself that I would change, I would blossom from my own comfort zone, and I would try my best to be outgoing. But well, I never take the steps to overcome it.  Numerous people have realized and told me that I am shy, but I never really care much about it. It somehow strikes me a bit when someone commented "you are shy, and we need to work on that".

Why am I shy?
1. I always use this one excuse: "IT IS BECAUSE OF THE CULTURE!". Having to grow up in the Chinese society where parents are over-protecting the children, not letting the children to talk to strangers (even though it was for safety reason), it slowly contributes to the habit of not talking to anyone other than family and friends. Also in my culture, no one would raise their hands up to ask a question in class. No one would share their thoughts unless being asked or forced. No one would volunteer to speak up. Perhaps there are some who are outgoing, but just the minority. Growing up in this environment definitely has the impact on me, making me used to not to speak up and share my thoughts.

2. I am over sensitive! I take other's comment very personally. Everything you say, everything she says, everything he says stay in mind for a while. And I will process it very slowly, trying to figure out what I did wrong. I think people are constantly judging me. People are being sarcastic. People tease me for fun.

3. I have the fear implanted in me. I want everything to be perfect (the typical virgo). Therefore, I would not allow a single mistake in my opinions. I always like to stay quiet, processing all the information, making sure everything is right. Right, I do not want people to comment on my opinions.

4. English was not my first language. Sometime it is really hard for me to flip things over and say it in English. And I am "sure" that my pronunciation is not clear and people would just laugh at my articulation/pronunciation. I hate when people ask me to say it the second time.

5. Self consciousness. I am so focus on thinking what I should be saying instead of letting the ideas to come naturally to my tongue. I cannot focus on what people are talking about, but trying to build up my sentences in my mind. So conscious that I am clueless to say anything when it is my turn to express myself.

6. I am embarrassed to say anything in front of a group of people. It scares the hell out of me! I would avoid any means to be put in that shoes. I get red pretty easily. That's why I hate dating or going out because I would just stay quiet throughout or stay at a corner not socializing with anyone.

So for 18 years I have been living in this kind of environment (no, you do not need to speak up and your life will still be great). Then I moved to Canada receiving Western education. Culture shock is inevitable. Everyone besides you is so bubbly, talkative and confident! They raise their hands so easily, they answer questions in second, they think out loud, they just talk like there is no tomorrow.

Help me out! How can I overcome my shyness? Any tips??